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To be truthful, I know I have a greater power and force than I am currently owning. My fear? As the article nailed on the head: losing likability.
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It's easy, like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, to want to believe that eventually we'll get different results. But it's all too easy in friendships to keep doing the same things and be shocked when we're still lonely 6 months later!
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Ironically, our energy seems to increase in what seems initially like counter-intuitive ways. While your temptation might be to step back from a schedule in order to find more energy, research says that the more routine we have in place, the less energy it takes to do what's important to us! Give this principle to your friendships this month!
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There are times in friendships, like a good movie, that we are committed to watching to the very end; but that doesn't mean there won't be times we don't have to Push the Pause. The doorbell rings. Your kids start screaming. The dog needs to go outside. Allowing for that Pause button is the sign of a healthy friendship!
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So if it's our response that proves most impactful as to whether our happiness set point can increase, then how can influence our response for the positive? Certainly there are many practices that can help shape our outlook, but one of the most compelling ones to me is by surrounding ourselves with meaningful community.
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Oprah’s most emotional moment in the one-hour special came when asked to talk about her friendship with Gayle King. Barbara acknowledged how all women want, but few seem to have, the kind of friendship these two women share. And in typical Oprah fashion, her reflections revealed three poignant lessons about women’s friendship.
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There are many things that could have provoked Oprah's tears, but it is in the context of friendship and in wanting Gayle to know how much she means, that the tissue needed to be summoned. There are many causes that Elizabeth Edwards could have championed in her final days, but to list family, friends and faith together gives us a powerful reason to pause.
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So we know that friendship, across the board, is good for everyone. Not just extroverts. But whether we're drawn to socializing or not, we still have to figure out when and how to do it.
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The very act of making these open hands has become my own little mantra in life, inviting my heart to reflect the handmade sign. It's how I want to show up in life, especially in my relationships.
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A bit depressed today so I'm reminding myself about the research linking my happiness and social connections. So while the bad mood makes me want to flake on Girls Night tonight, you can be sure I am going to show up!
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Expressing gratitude, which all of November is always that for me, is a powerful practice when it comes to fostering new friendships. When we're not grateful, we tend to be much more susceptible to jealousy, envy and competition. It doesn't take an expert to see how those characteristics might not contribute to healthy friendships!
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In the spirit of failure, here are some mistakes I have made in my friendship journey and what I have learned from those moments.
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Jumping off from Dr. Srinivasan Pillay's book "Life Unlocked" where he looks at neuroscience to help inform us of how to respond to fear in our lives to reach our goals, I look at two brain functions that can help move us toward the friendships that matter to us.
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Technology can help us connect in some awesome ways with a wide variety of people, but just because it serves some of your relational purposes, doesn't mean it serves all of them! Know how facebook helps you and how it could be limiting!
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The morale of the story? Put qualities on your checklist such as someone who affirms you, respects people, brings laughter into your time together and shares honestly. But hold loose the "stats" that you think are so important, for you just might miss out on someone who could have been your BFF for life. Not worth it.
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