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I'm an extrovert. My husband is an introvert. Neither of us are extreme; we're both rather close to the middle on the spectrum. However, even a few notches one direction or the other and you're bound to notice the difference.
What is the difference between an Extrovert and Introvert?
A misnomer out there is often that extroverts like people and introverts don't. On the contrary, all you have to do is hang out with my husband and you'll feel almost instantly how much he sincerely likes you. And there are few in this world with his high level of people skills, both as a public speaker and in conversations.
Being an introvert has little to do with skills or likability, or even being shy. Rather, it comes down to what gives us our energy or drains us.
An introvert may love being around people but will eventually need to pull away in order to recover their energy. An extrovert may love being alone but will eventually need to step into interaction in order to recover their energy. It's an issue of what drains us and nourishes us most easily.
It's usually challenging to strike the right schedule as a single person, but when you add someone else's needs to the conversation it can become downright tricky! Case in point: On Monday I woke up in the mood to invite some friends over that evening to help us decorate the tree, giving me an excuse to make a big pot of soup and a batch of holiday cookies. He heard my plans and thought just a quiet evening with the two of us in front of the fire sounded preferable. LOL!
Stepping Into the Relationship Interaction We Need
So we know that friendship, across the board, is good for everyone. Not just extroverts. Our health, our happiness, our stress levels and longevity are all linked to our sense of belonging and the time spent with friends. Introverts may have to be more mindful and selective to step into social activities, but do it they must.
Just as there are some exercise-nuts who love training, working out and pushing themselves physically, it doesn't mean that those of us who dread exercise don't need it. Similarly, meditation continues to awe researchers with the benefits to our health and healing. And while some people may be more prone to the solitude and quiet, it doesn't negate that we all need to learn to be calmly present (extroverts especially!)
My point is that we all have preferences & tendencies. And you need to know yourself and listen to your heart and body. But you also need to listen to yourself not just telling you your preferences, but also your needs. Because you do need friends with regular interaction. And you do need solitude. And you do need exercise. Regardless of whether you feel like it or not. :)
So this busy holiday season, I invite all of you to connect meaningfully.
- For my introvert friends, commit to a few engagements and hold to them regardless of how you feel in that moment. Your hormones act like the rest of ours and will still give you the health & mood benefits of stepping into socializing, even if you need to stay home the following night to restore your energy.
- And to my fellow extroverts, I challenge you to schedule in some pauses, some reflection and some quiet nights sitting with yourself. Even if it sounds scary, boring or a waste of time. We also gain much by letting our hearts catch up with our busy bodies.
We don't need to be balanced in life. We're all wired differently and not everything in life needs to be "even." But we do need to show up in harmony, ensuring that all areas of life are attended to, growing and deepening.
By the way, I had four friends over Monday night. It was perfectly fun. And, my husband totally engaged and loved the time we all shared. Tonight, he gets me all to himself. :)
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 | | Shasta Nelson founded GirlFriendCircles.com as a way to help introduce amazing women to potential girlfriends. Passionate about women, our relationships and our value to community, she’s inviting women to find those friends online, but make sure to take them offline to a cup of coffee too! |
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