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So you've no doubt seen that half the world seems to be auditioning for Oprah's "Your Own Show" competition that ended last weekend? Apparently, ten finalists will be chosen from the 10,000 contestants for a reality show where the winner of that competition will win their own talk show on Oprah's OWN network.
I have Opportunity
It started for me when I saw someone I follow on Twitter begging all her contacts to go vote for her 3 minute video audition. I was intrigued. I watched her audition and clicked through the pages of the contest. I was super curious, excited even, as I have notebooks full of TV show ideas. But, all these little voices started whispering: "I hate contests where you have to talk all your friends into voting for you." And, "Doesn't it look presumptuous to enter something like this as though I'm telling the world I think I'm better than all these other people? I mean, I know I'm good, but who am I to think I'm the best?" And, "I doubt I would win anyway. It's like playing the lottery!" And, "It would probably be a waste of time as it's so much work...getting a video camera and figuring out what to say!" And, it continued, "Look at these other people all swearing that this is their life calling? I don't want to look like that, just being one more dreamer wanna-be out there."
Blah, blah, blah. So I closed the web page and walked away.
I have Desire
I'm embarrassed, actually, to even write out all those pathetic statements of fear and insecurities. The vocabulary to those little voices in my head is hard to admit. I mean, I have just as many reasons I could list as to why I should have jumped at the opportunity. But, I didn't. I knew it was a chance at a lifetime goal I have, but I didn't want to risk for it. Or to put another way, I didn't want to have to beg for it, admit my desire for it. I wanted it to happen naturally... as though some producers should simply knock on my door and want me. Ha!
Well, fast forward a few weeks. I got an email from my husband's cousin saying "Did you see this contest? You should totally do this!" And then another one from a girlfriend. Then the next day, someone forwarded me the link and said "You'd be so good at this." And, my step-mom called to say that her friends had told her about this contest that I needed to know about. After about half a dozen of these contacts, I went back to the website again.
I really wanted it. I just didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to try and lose. I didn't want to show my hand to others, showcasing my desire, risking what people thought of me. I doubted whether I would win and if not, was it worth all the time it would take to try? I'm so busy... was this a good use of time? I went to bed conflicted-- should I do it or skip it?
The Fears of Finding Friends
You, undoubtedly, know this process? Put your own insecurities in there and your own hunger... but you know the back-and-forth, don't you? I'd imagine it's like this for a lot of you when it comes to developing friendships?
Certainly, you know you want them. You know how good several friendships are to your health and happiness. You know that when you see other groups of friends that you feel jealous. You know that it would be part of your ideal life to have close friends to call. That you feel lonely and wishful without that circle. That you want to be more rooted where you live. And yet...
And yet... you certainly have those same voices I did when it came to the video? You probably want them to knock on your door and say "We want you!" as opposed to making us work for them, fight for them, want them and risk showing the world what we really desire? How easy to conclude that it's likely we'll drive all the way over there and we may not even like anyone-- so is it worth my precious time? Is it worth feeling awkward? And what if everyone else is a loser? What would that say about me? And, what are the chances this whole process works anyway? Shouldn't it just happen naturally we ask ourselves? And why should I have to pay for it or invest anything? And so we give up before we try. We walk away. We sign up but don't ever RSVP. We RSVP but flake out at the end.
And our excuses are convincing, aren't they? They sound responsible & realistic. But really, I know better. It's just my fear talking. It's just me acknowledging that something matters and I'm scared to admit it. It's easier to dream about hosting a TV show then it is to try for one. It's easier to dream about good friends then to say we want them and to actually put in the time to establish them. Isn't it just better on some level to pretend we didn't really care that much in the first place!?!
But we do care, don't we? We do want friends. I do want a TV show.
Investing in the Dream, Not the Fear
I woke up the next morning, only a few days before the deadline, and said "If this really matters to me like I have said it does, then I should be willing to try, regardless of the results." I put my stake in the ground. I decided to invest something in what I have said matters to me. I decided to at least put my desire out there.
Indeed, how do I prove to myself, let alone the universe, that I really want something if I'm unwilling to shout it from the mountain tops? Or at least spend one day making a video? Or at least showing up for one night at a coffee shop. Or... name your own risk.
So maybe I'll win. But I'll at least be one of the 9,504 other people who had enough courage to try. And what we won is the reminder that our dreams matter. And maybe that's just as important? For next time something comes along that can move me toward my goals then I'll know that I am courageous enough to not listen to my insecurities over my hopes.
May your desire for real and meaningful friendships not be deterred by any voice, any insecurity or fear. May you be willing to move toward what you say matters to you.
p.s. Want to vote for me? :) (Fortunately judges take other things into consideration besides the number of votes, but I still welcome support!)
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 | | Shasta Nelson founded GirlFriendCircles.com as a way to help introduce amazing women to potential girlfriends. Passionate about women, our relationships and our value to community, she’s inviting women to find those friends online, but make sure to take them offline to a cup of coffee too! |
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