|
It's been a little while since I've blogged. You know how it is... the holidays away, return home to lots of stuff to do, just not feeling quite inspired, getting sick and before you know it, there has been a three-week pause.
In friendship, I call it Pushing the Pause.
There are times in friendships, like a good movie, that we are committed to watching to the very end; but that doesn't mean there won't be times we don't have to Push the Pause. The doorbell rings. Your kids start screaming. The dog needs to go outside.
You can love the movie as much as you want, but sometimes there are urgent things that take priority. Pushing pause actually shows respect to the movie, indicating you don't want to miss anything, but it also acknowledges that life doesn't always go according to schedule. You don't always get to sit and watch your favorite movie without interruptions.
And if we can't even watch movies without interruption, why would we ever think we could make it through years of a friendship without needing that same option?
The Risks in the Pause
The trick with a friendship, versus a movie, is that there are now two people who both have that need and have that right. And our dogs don't always bark at the same moment.
So we're more at risk of having the other push pause and us not feel the same need at the same moment. We would prefer to just keep watching the film.
But they have a baby, meet the guy of their dreams or have to go help their ailing mother. Or, sometimes it's not as big and clear as that--sometimes work is taking too much energy, they're stressed about their child or have gotten behind on their finances. And they push pause.
Which can feel painful to you, undoubtedly. What's important in these moments is to see that pause for what it isn't.
A Pause isn't them saying they don't like the movie or don't want to finish it; rather, the very fact that they pushed pause (rather than simply stopping the movie halfway through) means they don't want to miss a thing in their absence. She's not answering the ringing phone because she values it more than you, but simply because it is distracting, urgent or simply needs her attention before she can get back to her movie.
On the flip-side, you also get to hit pause. It's a two-way street. Which obviously leaves much room for miscommunication in an insecure relationship, but also gives a lot of freedom in a healthy relationship. It says to you that you can go take care of whatever is calling for you and trust that she will be there when you get back. That we don't have to take everything personally, making it about us when it isn't.
A Pause May Not Be Ideal, But May Still Be Necessary?
In the best of times we see it coming and can communicate our value to our friends ahead of time: "I'm going to be traveling a lot this summer so it may be a few months until we have face-to-face time together, but I'll do my best to at least say hi on facebook." But, more frequently, unlike a movie, we don't know we pushed pause until we're quite a ways into the break, juggling a busy week here and a recovery week there.
That's what happened with my blog. I never said ahead of time "I think I'll wait a month before I blog again." I just did. And it wasn't from a lack of value, commitment or desire-- my blog is one of my favorite activities. But I still Paused.
Fortunately, you were not waiting with baited breath for my next posting or taking it personally that I hadn't shown up in your inbox. But you can imagine how easy hurt feelings or jumping to conclusions could happen in a friendship. During that same Pause with my blog, I certainly haven't been as present to all my girlfriends either. The last thing I would want is them assuming it has something to do with them, when that couldn't couldn't be further from the truth.
My wish for you is that you can do your best to communicate value to those in your life even when you're taking a Pause. And that you wouldn't take personally the distractions of those you love. It's a reflection of their life, not of their love for you.
Our friendships are important to us. As is my blog. In an ideal world, perhaps we'd never be distracted. But, life happens. Seasons of energy come and go. Distractions, both good ones and exhausting ones, abound. Sometimes we simply have to take that metaphorical bathroom break before we return and enjoy the rest of the story.
I'm ready to hit Play again. :)
|
(Must be a logged in member to Add a Comment)
|
|
Recent Posts
 | | Shasta Nelson founded GirlFriendCircles.com as a way to help introduce amazing women to potential girlfriends. Passionate about women, our relationships and our value to community, she’s inviting women to find those friends online, but make sure to take them offline to a cup of coffee too! |
|
|