Their conversation stirred me in a really deep and defensive way. The example they set has now been forever etched in my memory as an illustration of who we can all become when we forget our own worth.
On Sunday, in the Virgin Airlines terminal of Las Vegas, I overheard five women engage in a colloquy of criticism. It began with one voice sighing, “ugh, you know who I hate? Oprah. Who does she think she is?” and spiraled into ugliness at such an alarming rate. Apparently her weight, lesbian rumors, amount of money made, career choices, fame and personality were all somehow offensive to this group just shooting the breeze while waiting to board their plane.
Oprah Winfrey, a woman that others feel they need to attack?
Five adult women, presumably ending a girls weekend in Vegas, spent ten minutes spewing venom and anger toward someone I’d venture to guess that none of them have ever met. There is no need to repeat all the insults, only to say that it was eye-opening and heart-exhausting to witness them all participate in the hate-fest as though adding to the conversation made them each feel better somehow.
We Devalue Others– Revealing Our Own Insecurities
As a student of relationships, I have long witnessed that we tend to devalue anything that threatens us. We push down on others; hoping it raises us up. It’s almost as though we think life is a see-saw where only one of us can win.
I see it in break-ups frequently: the person that was most cherished only weeks ago is now criticized in an attempt to comfort us that we are better off without that person. As though we can’t admit their worth and hold ours at the same time?
I see it in friendships where two women make different choices: the one who had the baby, took the job for money, decided to move away, chose a private school for their child– both women, to hold the belief that they made the right choice, are tempted to devalue those who make an alternative decision. As though we can’t hold the belief that we could both be making the right choice for our lives, even if they look different?
I see it where there appears to be an inequality that provokes our jealousy: the person who seemingly has the fame, the power, the money, the happy family or the good looks receives the most criticism. Ironically we secretly want something they have, but instead of using their success as our inspiration, we attack them with our insecurities disguised as complaints. As though it’s their problem for having what we want?
And therein lies the toxicity of devaluing: it says more about us than it does about them.
We Devalue Others–Heightening the Conflict in this World
If someone gave me a magic wand to make one wish come true, it would be to give us all the ability to see our own worth so clearly that we never had to treat people from our own fears and insecurities.
Think about it… What problem does this planet hold that couldn’t be solved from our ability to see the value of each other? Of not needing to prove our worth? Attacking so we don’t look weak? Devaluing another to justify our own choices? Putting up walls so we don’t risk not being liked? Not knowing our own worth and bestowing that gift on others is the cause of wars and political battles, inequality and injustices, suicides and bullying.
Ladies, I may sound dramatic. But I’d argue that I have good reason to go there. We don’t have control over bombing other countries or solving all inequalities against gender, religious, sexual identity and race differences. But we do have control over doing the hard work of holding a healthy self-esteem so that we can offer it to others.
We Devalue Others–Risking Significant Relationships
In a community committed to healthy friendships, it is important to me to challenge you to show up differently than those women.
- I invite you to engage in conversation that ensure that others leave feeling better about who they are.
- I invite you to own your insecurities. When you see someone who has what you secretly want choose to be inspired by it rather than threatened by it.
- I invite you to refuse to engage in any conversation that puts others down. Whether those others are people you know (i.e. your ex’s, your family, your work colleagues) or people you may never meet (i.e. Charlie Sheen & the Kardashian sisters).
- I invite you to do the work of holding firm to the belief that you are fabulous, talented and perfectly prepared to do your life calling. You are enough.
- I invite you to not see life as a see-saw, where someone else has to fall before you can rise. There is room enough for all of us to be our best.
- I invite you to give the freedom to others, including Oprah to do life her very best way even if you would do it differently.
- And, I invite you to realize that if you want to bring change to this world, more people are transformed by affirmation and grace than by criticism and shame.
So, to the women in the terminal who felt they were in any position to judge Oprah, I say to you:
I’m totally okay with you not being an Oprah-fan, but I invite you to cheer for her as another woman doing the best she can. I hope for you that you someday step into your own power and offer the world what you think she’s missing. But cheer for her as she does her thing. And I cheer for you as you do yours. You are amazing. You have worth. As does she.
________________________
I’d love to hear your comments ladies! Am I overreacting? Do you see your own tendency to step into devaluing others? What have you done to build your own self-esteem?
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No you were not over reacting and I totally agree with you!!!!
Oprah is an example of a successful woman who has made a name for herself and herself alone. Not by “standing by her man” but by being herself. She’s a wonderful example for women and girls everywhere to be independent and self assured. Women who bad mouth her reflect a part of society that fears women who are successful in their own right. Those gals need to shut up and start standing behind women who are only going to make life better for them and their daughters who have to grow up in our sexist society to make a life for themselves where they can make their own choices!
This is an issue I have been thinking about a lot lately. Why is this so often unique to women? What causes us to take the easy route of putting others down instead of spending our energies on pulling our selves up?
Thinking back to an old article describing female celebs as “lighting rods for sexism”
Even as Celebrities, Women Face a Double Standard
…and to a book I keep looking at on Amazon
Mean Girls, Meaner Women: Understanding Why Women Backstab, Betray, and Trash-Talk Each Other and How to Heal
very much agree!!
I’m one of those women who is hated for her 1) looks 2) lifestyle 3) wealthy husband 4) neat house (architecturally as well as cleanliness) and 5) car. These are choices I made (well, except for the looks as I didn’t ask to be born) and I worked hard to get them. I even had a lady at a book signing tell me she couldn’t talk to me as I had no children. What? Does that make me incapable of carrying on a conversation? Even my family expects me to be withdrawn and hidden to due all the abuse from our mentally unstable mother, but you know what? I embraced it, as it makes me part of who I am. I have no fear telling folks my life growing up. Perhaps I’ve gotten away from the main point put forth by Shasta, but you know, the grass always LOOKS greener on the other side. Once you get there, you’re still the same person with the same problems and issues.
Kudos to you!
WOmen should help each other and look up to each other…not tear each other apart.
Robin, thank you for you thoughts. i have friends who have ‘what we all like to “label” the good life, i.e. looks, financial and personal stability, etc.’ What so many are not aware of or more to the point don’t want to admit is, we all to a certain degree are not as stable as we would like everyone to think because life is uncertain. not being stable is not a bad thing, it is a human thing a natural thing, for instance we could be unstable in the beginning of a new friendship, until we become more comfortable then our instability turns into confidence of knowing our feelings. so i say, you go and be who you are. i love to be around people who help me better myself in every way. you hang around people who are kind, loving, generous in their feelings you will have a plethora of knowledge that will grow if you allow it to. those that choose to deface others because of their insecurities are not becoming comfortable in their own feelings so therefore they have to voice their hate-filled personality on others. I live with a family that is not capable of saying anything good about people in general and their excuse is “i am honest”. Seems sad to me that they are so unhappy with their lives that they cannot take the good in any given situation and turn it into a positive and growing experience. instead they build their hate that much more. take care and God bless in all ways.
I just going down and reading all the replys and came upon this one that Glenda wrote. I agree hold heartly. This just tell me to keep on walking away because after my 45 years its never going to changes. They are so feel with hate for them self they have to take it out on others. I like to be around people who make me laugh and have fun. I am just one person but if I am happy with me no one else does need to. Its their lose.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. Respect for other human beings is in short supply these days. The problem of bullying in schools is just one example. And young bullies grow up to be the kinds of women you overheard at the airport. These women may have learned these kinds of behaviors from their own parents when they were growing up. Sad to say, they’ll probably pass the same behaviors on to their own children when they have them.
It is pathetic to me when people have petty things to say about wonderful people. Remember when you hear criticism, it’s usually more about the criticizer than the one criticized!
I agree with you to a certain extent. I agree that we should raise one another up. The only thing I don’t really agree with is IF a person is not doing the right things like family, friends, etc…we are to take a stand against those things they may be doing wrong.
Lisa– I completely agree that we have an obligation to stand up for things that aren’t right– but even then that shouldn’t include devaluing the other person, should it? We can stand up for what’s right without minimizing another person’s worth, I think…. Thanks for writing in– I appreciate the clarification you set!
Who is to say what the right things are? Sometimes you don’t know the whole story behind what someone says or does.
I agree with Kelly… who is to say what is right and what is wrong. The only reason I see getting involved in any other person’s life is if they are doing harm to themselves or another. And even then, we should go about helping them in an uplifting way, not a judgmental way.
I believe that we have to stand up for what’s right, too many of us allow others to state opinions and then stand idlely by and say nothing. This just encourages them to be meaner still. Like allowing the bully to get away with it. Enough already. We need to support each other, not tear each other down.
I love Oprah. I thinks she is strong and has come a long ways. I’m sure she has had her struggles like anyone else. All we see is her fame and fortune. We don’t see the road traveled that that sista took to get where she is. God Bless Oprah carry on!!!!
No, you are not overreacting, and thank you for voicing how I feel. I am so tired of people putting down others that they feel somehow threatened by. I look at Oprah and am inspired to become a better person and in my own way follow her example. If she can get to where she is coming from where she did, what is my excuse? I feel the same about many others also that have worked hard to become successful and give back to society with good intentions.
I couldn’t agree with you more…
NO you are not overreacting. I completely agree with you!
I loved this article, Shasta. I totally agree that there is a huge issue in our world today with people not knowing their own self worth. What a great wish you have! Being a fourth grade teacher for 9 years, I saw so many students already lacking that self worth- and the system doesn’t help it get any better. Wouldn’t it be great if we started instilling self worth at a young age? We are all born with it (look at a 2 year old and tell me he doesn’t think he is right and the “knower of all things!”), but it deteriorates as the children get older. One of my dreams is to help change this problem by teaching more self, social, and emotional education to young kids. Imagine a world where we all know our own self worth and can use that happy confidence to go out into the world and spread our happiness to others!
Love your comment Kristen! Thanks for writing in with your observations. It is sobering to see our insecurities emerge at such tender ages. Growing up is hard work on the self-esteem but I wish that as we aged with maturity and life experience that we could all emerge with more peace and self-acceptance! Huge thanks for the work you’re doing!
Well spoken!
As a woman who has been told to dress down at work so as to not make others I work with feel intimidated by my looks. As one who has experienced every level of back stabbing b____ in my life and even now when I have nothing left, I find women jealous of my strength of will and ability to survive it all. As that 58 year old woman, I say, “You all can write every bulls___ article you want, but until you start living the words you speak, I know first hand, that your words are nothing , mean nothing and do nothing to change anything.” You “speakers of wisdom” seem to be the knife wielders in my experience, as one of the strong, as one of the survivors of your abuse…. Bitter…hmmmmmm perhaps….I let that to the know-it-alls to sort out.
I’m not sure I know what Terry from AZ is trying to say; but as someone who knows Shasta personally, I can say that she does “live the words she speaks” in a most beautiful way. What a great article, Shaz! It has gone viral on Facebook today among the women in my family, and among my friends, both gay and straight.
Wow! It is so sad that Terry from AZ has elected to post such a hateful message on such a wonderful site…one designed to build women up and instead her message appears intended to tear someone down. But the comment illustrates how deeply people are hurt when they feel they are misunderstood. So, rather than throwing stones back (which was my first instinct), I think I am learning to stop and see that everyone has their own lens through which they see the world and rather than judge them, I will stop and consider whether my own actions are supportive of others. Thank you Shasta for your awesome support and important reminders!
Terry,
I am so very sorry for your pain! There is so much pain in your post. To have someone make you feel that your being beautiful is for a better work ‘shameful’ is what this article is all about. Seems to me that you have been the one at the end of these ‘bullying’ comments and actions. To know that you have been on the receiving end of “those 5 women at the airport ugliness” of course in retrospect, is like a knife in the back for you. I can only hope and pray that you can pull the good from this article. I also believe that being one to be put down because of my lack of looks is on the other spectrum of your experience. At least I know when I have a friend, it is a true friend. Those like you who have physical attributes i believe have it much harder than myself because how do you know that the people who want to be in your life is not there for their own glory. I will keep you in my prayers. YOU are a beautiful person inside and out. Take your bitterness and turn it into postiveness…..much easier said then done….but you can do it. if you have survived all this time you can show others that your ok with whatever they may say or do…just know that you are a strong and courageous women of worth. Take care and God bless.
I enjoy this blog, but I also enjoy reviewing the comments and discussions that are usually incited by Shasta’s articles. I’ve heard many negative comments about Oprah, or other women of power or celebrity status (Michelle Obama, Angelina Jolie) and it always makes me cringe. It also makes make defensive of the victim of this catty-ness. My defense was certainly sparked as I read the comment by Terry from AZ. Although I’m sorry that you have experienced some of the negative behaviors highlighted in the article, your response seems to be one of equal vindictiveness to the way you have been treated by others. As an avid reader of this blog, I’m offended that you refer to it as a “bull___ article.” I’m also saddened that you seemingly accuse the writer of being the type of woman who tormented you. This accurately demonstrates the negativity, assumptions and judgment that the author addresses! My hope is that this article simply struck a nerve in you and gave you a forum to voice your angst – which is part of the purpose of a format such as this. However, it is simply unfair to project your hurt onto the author or the blog itself, as its sole purpose is to empower and connect women.
I have always liked Oprah and the things she stands for. However, I am sometimes concerned by the way so many women seem to worship her. The audiences at her show are whipped up into a frenzy and anything she says or does is instantly golden. Any one person who has the power to influence so many is scary. The blind followers of other charismatic leaders have sometimes been led over very high cliffs. Our human Gods fall hard.
WE are the important women and Oprah is only as great as any one of us. The women who were talking trash are doing just that. There must always be opposition to ideologies. Whether you like their ideas or not, it’s healthy for a society to question our role models and not idolize them.
Barbara
Barbara,
I do agree. I do think that it is great to be a “Fan” of someone and look up to them as a mentor and I do think that Oprah is a good one…but those who do should also be open minded to realize that not everyone feels that way.
Hey, ANYOne (famous or not) has to realize that they cant please everyone!
I think the point of Shast’s blog entry is not WHO but rather HOW the the women criticized Oprah. I find that a wonderful utopian point of view. I do wonder though, if the same impact would have been there is she overheard talking and mean gossip about Sarah Palin. I think women as a whole have treated her in a disgusting manner. WAAAAY worse than any other woman has had to deal with.
Janet
You are not overreacting. Your post is spot on and addresses a classic case of envy. I couldn’t agree with you more! I completely understand, having experienced a similar situation two years ago.
This rings so true. Often it’s really our own insecurities speaking. I love this idea:
“If someone gave me a magic wand to make one wish come true, it would be to give us all the ability to see our own worth so clearly that we never had to treat people from our own fears and insecurities.” Hear hear!
I forgot my worth. I guess women who do not have her success, wealth and beauty will attack her.
You bring up a good point and even in Aprils edition of Glamour they talk about it (see “Stop the bitch wars” on pg 249.) I see it every day and have to admit that I contribute to the tearing down of other women. I don’t feel I do it because I’m insecure I think it’s because I’m fed up with all the insanity of people. It really surprises me some times how dumb people can be. And it’s upsetting especially when women do it because I work hard for everything I have and I get compared to those women who get by on being a “dumb blonde” so to speak. It’s just infuriating!
I may get a lot of grief for this, but I believe that people are entitled to their opinions and eavesdropping on conversations may not give you the whole picture even though you may have heard it from start to finish, but who are we to judge each other much less one another. I like Oprah a lot and I believe that she does a lot of good in this world, but I don’t follow her religiously. I believe that people get lost in the midst of what Oprah says and does and takes it for gospel without ever really looking further than her tv show to live out their lives. She is successful, happy, prominent, and a major role model, but she is not the only one that women, teenagers, or the younger generation should look to. Checking facts, doing more research, and looking at other sources for credibility should influence one’s decision on their own thoughts and ideas. We live in a world now where information can be spewed out by just about anyone without any real credibility and need to change that in our culture.
I am one of those who extremely dislike Oprah (Shasta if it makes you feel better, call me an “Oprah-hater”). But guess what – I am entitled to dislike her as much as I want and for whatever reasons I want. I also agree with the earlier comment of how unhealthy it is for all these women (and some men) to worship her. While I acknowledge that Oprah (along with other women, e.g. Martha Stewart) worked very, VERY hard to build their businesses. But they didn’t do it alone (seriously they have an enormous team that stands behind them and does most of the work) and they certainly don’t walk on air. Shasta I personally take offense at even the title of your article. And I’m pretty sure most of the women who have responded here are drinkin’ the kool-aid Oprah is pouring. Disliking someone is not always the equivalent of devaluing someone. To those women who were discussing/”devaluing” Oprah all I can say is that not everyone walks the “high road” that Shasta seems to write about so often. Are these women evil? No. Griping about someone’s success (or conversely celebrating their failures) is quite frankly human nature – and everyone who has posted a comment has done it several times in their life. While not always positive it is even a form of bonding. And if these women are friends, they understand that when they are griping they are also silently griping about their own insecurities. They just don’t want to come out and say it. Cut people some slack – more importantly, cut women some slack. But this is your website Shasta and like those women in the airport you have every right to bash them (or look down upon them) and anyone else you feel the need to write about. And for all the women who posted comments – the same goes for you.
I kinda agree with you! It is human nature to gossip or complain. HEy, if I hear people griping about someone that I disagree with, I will say something on the spot. This world is made up of different points of view…. And if ANYONE should be defended for women complaining about them…that would be Sarah Palin. Whether you agree with her politics or not, she was treated and talked about so rudely by the press and women in general. She has done nothing but grow from a stay at home mom to were she is today, yet women attack her for answering a question wrong. It is sad…but that is the world we live in. But OOOHHHH NOOO dont say anything bad about Oprah!
I think the point is less “worship Oprah and everything she does” and more of…stop bashing people, even if you don’t like them! I’m not crazy about Oprah either, but does that mean I have to spew venom and bash her (albeit not to her face) for all the things she’s accomplished? No. One of my coworkers is constantly cutting other people down (and it’s obvious to me that it’s because she’s unhappy with her own life) and it is EXHAUSTING listening to it all the time. If all that comes out of your mouth is negativity, of course you will be unhappy with your life. Make a conscious effort to be positive and build yourself up without putting others down.
Very interesting the comments. Oprah is a amazing women and we all have the ability to be amazing. On the other hand we need to look at women like the Oprah, Michelle Obama and countless others and say I could do anything I have the power but not because of what someone else is doing but you have the desire to. As women we need to bring each other up. As a women in the construction field Its hard for me on a daily basis. I do let that effect me I have the education and experience to be just as good as my male counterparts. Thanks Shasta.
Excuse my grammer, Its should be very interesting comments.
I particularly love the ‘challenge bulletpoints’ of this blog … I have to admit I’m guilty of a few of those. I’m going to print these out and hang them next to my ‘Who’s the most beautiful woman today? You are.’ sticker on my bathroom mirror. Thanks!
Ladies I love all the comments– thanks so much for taking the time to engage. It means a lot to have you take the time to read and converse. Undoubtedly, you won’t love all my blogs, but I do hope that I can keep challenging us to think and grow, here and there!
Just in case it got missed by anyone– this blog really isn’t about Oprah. It’s about us choosing to see our worth without having to make someone else look bad. I love the hunger I hear to be women who cheer for each other. And I also love the permission you all keep giving to each other to each hold your own opinion. May the dialogue continue!
I blogged about your article today. You are right on track! ….. You go Chief Girlfriend!
My dear Chief Girlfriend (her unofficial title), Shasta Nelson, posted a wonderfully thoughtful blog yesterday about a horrible conversation she overheard on a plane; the main point of the bitchfest: Who does that Oprah think she is? Two women continued to pass judgment on Oprah and say she was full of herself. I would think Oprah’s millions of devote followers (including myself) think differently. As I read my Chief Girlfriend’s perspective, I could not help but think: Why do so many people feel the need to criticize each other? Why are so many people so mean?
What mean behavior have you seen that has shocked you? Have you ever wanted to say something to someone who was being irrationally mean to another person? What do you do to stop cruel behavior?
Criticism does not stop at belittling celebrities. Last year a person on a chairlift told my husband and I we were too fat to sit on one side of the chair. Two weeks ago, a man on my flight from Calgary to Denver yelled at a flight attendant for 20 minutes because, and I quote, “He did not deserve to sit in Coach.” I am gathering the flight attendant did not purchase his airline ticket, so being his mental punching bag was completely out of line. All I can say is, really? Everyone has bad days, but there is a fine line between waking up on the wrong side of the bed (as we all have done) and just being a chronic jerk.
At the very fundamental level, mean behavior comes from people not having their needs satisfied. Remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs from Psych101? Once our most basic bodily needs are met (food, water, shelter, and safety), we move on to the need for love, affection, and belongingness. Some mean behavior may come from not having these needs of compassion met. I would hazard to guess someone who calls a perfect stranger fat is not welcomed in their church group with open arms. Perhaps the friendships based on criticizing others are based on trying to fulfill personal insecurities, rather than give absolute love to another person. But I believe more often, mean behavior comes from our own insecurities about an even more basic need: our personal safety and the security of our families. We live in an ever changing world, and it is a scary place. No one knows which company is going to go bankrupt next or where the next natural disaster might occur, but we cannot live in fear. Things don’t always go our way, but making things worse by blaming others for our own insecurity is no way to live.
Here are three ideas of how to let insecurity not overwhelm your behavior:
1. If something great happens to a friend and you find you feel jealous, ask yourself, how would I want my friend to react? Would you want her to raise her glass with a toast to your success or talk behind your back?
2. If you find yourself getting mad at someone ask yourself: Did this person cause the problem or are they just trying to help? The flights attendant was actually trying to help find an open row for that grumpy man, but he never listened to her recommendations.
3. If you think life is in a downward spiral and have not smiled, ask yourself, have you done something that makes you happy lately (Gretchen Rubin has some great ideas on this!) We all have parts of our jobs that are less than glamorous, but usually a call to an old friend or a walk outside makes us realize the bad stuff is really small in comparison to all that is good in the world.
Seeing cruel behavior makes me realize how important it is for me to reach out to my husband, children, family, and girlfriends with compassion and empathy. Seeing horrible behavior also make me realize how important it is to live by this simple motto: Live with your heart and be kind to yourself. We need to respect one another and respect ourselves. So the next time I find myself wanting to yell at the customer service rep for not knowing how to type or when the person in front of my can’t find their wallet in the check-out line, I am going to smile and remember I can catch more bees with honey than vinegar.
What mean behavior have you seen that has shocked you? Have you ever wanted to say something to someone who was being irrationally mean to another person? What do you do to stop cruel behavior?
Love it! And so appreciate the angle you took and the wisdom you shared. Thanks for posting it here!
Would Sarah Palin generate the same defense? Shasta, thank you for bringing the subject of women devaluing women to the forefront. Although I am admittedly not a huge Oprah fan, I respect and value the contributions she has made to so many people’s lives. However, like some of the other commentators, I believe she has a cult like following that is disturbing and which I believe she cultivates. She is a flesh and blood woman with faults and foibles just like the rest of us. I feel a healthy dose of humility might benefit her. Having said this I would agree with your view that as women we do not need to tear each other down to build our selves up. My question to you and to the other women who follow your blog is; would you have reacted the same way if these women you overheard had been bashing Sarah Palin?
It’s a fabulous question Benita. And I think I would have had the same reaction had it been anyone. It wasn’t the subject of their conversation that left me in shock as much as the venom with which they spoke of someone else. The meanness that showed up toward someone I doubt had ever done anything personally mean to them was the surprising part. I’m totally in agreement that we all have a different list of people we admire or not, the bigger question is whether we have to tear each other down? Thanks for your comment. It’s a great question…..
I love Benitas question! AND I love Shasta’s answer.
I really think that sometimes women just love to gossip, maybe were in a bad mood, or just tired. My guess is that they would have spoken that venemous about a nam, astronaut, or anyone at that moment…I dont think it was because it was a woman. I just think it is WHO they are.
Alright I have to chime in because it was a great fantastic article that needed to be said. the same goes for a lot of people who are having a great life but others choose to judge and make blanket statements whether it’s about lawyers or strippers or politicians we are all different and unless you know us personally it is not fair to anyone, you or me included that you pass judgement or wish the person ill will. I say this as a woman in the adult entertainment industry for many years and it seems that many women have no problem with it, many still do regardless of if they know anything about me even if they know nothing of how I have lived my life.
This makes it hard to find friendships with women, one because we have to keep it a secret, and two because people can be very vicious about it but I would not give up my career for all the closed minded people in the world. I know who I am, what I do and I’m firm in my commitment to myself to have a better life doing what I love regardless of what others think and yet others so often make so many associations based on bad press, and lack of information. Many women I know, doctors, lawyers, mothers etc are secretly also in the adult entertainment industry. I would love to join your friendship site, but I’m afraid I won’t find anyone of common interest.
Thank you for this article was very well written and I think women need to stop damning each other for their sexual expression and start joining together. These names we call women like easy and tramp etc are just not serving us anymore and hurt all women. Acting like sex is worse than violence or even in the same genre is not very intelligent. United we stand divided we fall I always say!
Dear Shasta,
I am in complete agreement with you. It is unfortunate that some women have to put down others to feel better about themselves. I adore Oprah. Some of her shows have been enlightening to me. She is a woman of great power and influence, and this makes me proud!
Alright. Kudos to Shasta! She obviously struck a nerve and people felt the need to comment. I think that is why I LOVe living in America! We can all have different points of view!
Yes, we can all agree it is Utopic to even dream of a world where no one gossips or says a mean thing…but the fact is that human nature leads us to this. AND it has nothing to do with being fat, black, white, being a stripper, being a conservative politician, etc.. it has to do witht he fact that we all have different opinions.
I happen to like oprah…AND also admire many other women who might stir up controversy and negative opinions…and that is just because we all have different opinions.
Imagine a world where women NEVER had bad comments to say about another woman? THAT IS JUST RIDICULOUS! because we all do have different opinions.
Their viciousness just makes them look ugly, but they are entitled to not like Oprah.
Hi Shasta! I totally agree with you. Though I try not to criticize people outwardly, the criticism still plays out in my thoughts. Understanding why I am criticizing will definitely help me be a less judgmental person. Thanks!
I agree wholeheartedly! Up with compassion and down with contempt. The biggest critics are often terribly flawed themselves.
I too am happy that these types of articles are showing up much more frequently than in the past. My one question is: So many of us feel the same way, yet we are constantly subjected to “Housewives of __________” and shows in general who pit women against each other. So, tell me who makes these shows so popular? Personally, I abhor such shows and gently turn the channel, but I must wonder who is watching this trash! I vote to bring back Sex in the City-esque shows that show women standing up for each other and being true friends!
I have had these same feelings/thoughts as well as experienced them myself. I actually asked Bridget at spark and hustle about it and asked her what is the way to deal with those women who tell you that you need to “dumb it down” I have come to the conclusion that those who are critical in this way are insecure and jealous of those women who are doing what they are afraid to do, who don’t understand another’s need and desire to take a different path, or who seem to be more informed about topics.
Shasta, you are correct, we need to support and appreciate one another’s abilities and success.
I really need some advice about this issue. I have a sister who calls me all the time to complain about other women in the family. I try to avoid her phone calls but it makes me sad that she and I can’t becloser, but what we enjoy talking about is so different. How can I get her to talk about positive topics so that I will actually enjoy talking to her?
Send her the book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz and insist on her reading it before she calls you again (it can be read in a couple of hours). Read it yourself because if she doesn’t read it, the contents of the book will help you to deal with her negativity.
maybe that’s the reason why women from either or both sides cannot keep long lasting friendships and men can…..