Vagina Monologues, Violence & Friendship

I just returned from participating in a One Billion Rising Pop-Up Video Shoot sharing why I rise against violence for women.

I rise up because you couldn’t keep me down if I saw someone victimizing one of my girlfriends. And that’s what all women are: someone’s friend.  I choose to rise up for the women I don’t yet know with hope that others will do the same for the women I know and love. I rise up because we all deserve respect and love. Rise up with me!

You watch this 3-minute video and tell me how we could do anything but choose to rise.

Let’s rise together.  One billion of us between now and February 14, 2013, which is the 15th Anniversary of V-Day.

We are collectively going on strike against violence done to women. We are participating in a revolution.

The One Billion Rising campaign  is “inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to this violence. ONE BILLION RISING will move the earth, activating women and men across every country. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders.”

Below I am re-posting a blog that articulates why I will keep rising.

I hope you’ll rise with us.  Be a part of the one billion of us who will rise up together, for our sake, for theirs, and for the world.

We are rising up against violence to women! (Thank Christine & Leila from A Band of Wives for the invite!)

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This blog was written February 18, 2010. Still feels ever current.

Vagina Monologues, Violence & Friendship

Last night I attended an interview with Eve Ensler*, made famous as the playwright of the Vagina Monologues. She has released a new book called “I Am An Emotional Creature” which chronicles the struggle of girls to overcome the obstacles, threats and pressures that can rob them of their originality and power.

When asked what she felt was the biggest problem facing the world today, her response was “violence against women.”

Women as Victims
I doubt I would have answered the same question in the same way, and yet her case was nevertheless compelling and thought-provoking. Her point was that as long as we have a patriarchal system, we will have power taken from women that could be put toward different causes. That violence is damaging the very lives that could hold the solution to so many other needs. Imagine what you would do with all the energy in your life if you didn’t have to focus it on overcoming something that wounded you.

It’s obvious to see it play out in the Congo and Pakistan where sex-trafficking, rape and genital mutilation aren’t punished. But even in our own country, our statistics still suggest that one in every three women face rape, abuse or molestation before they turn 18.

And to bring it even closer to home, she would expand the word “violence” to include any oppression that women face which includes spending much of our lives trying to become “more” girl in being skinnier, prettier and sweeter; and yet also trying so hard to be “less” girl where we’re told to not run like a girl, throw like a girl, cry like a girl or be emotional like a girl. It is hard to know how to show up at our best.

Women as Offenders
While we are certainly still a patriarchal world, it struck me that often the worst judgment of what it means to be a woman, comes from our own gender. I don’t want to understate the trauma done by men around the world to women in any way whatsoever, but I simply want to point out that we ourselves are not always known for being the most uplifting of one another. Much of my greatest criticism in life has come from other women as they placed judgments on me for not living up to their expectations or values. The famous battles are between the stay-at-home moms and the career women or those who are domestic versus those who shun domesticity for a different role, but even when it comes to beauty, fashion and what shoes one wears, I have witnessed women dis-empower each other.

Furthermore, I’ve seen us not always give the same gift to men that we demand for ourselves. We want the right to choose to be home or work, but we still expect them to be “providers.” We want the right to not have to cook all the meals, but we still think a “real man” should know how to fix the car. We know the long-term effects of being hit, but we have been known to downplay the damage we inflict on them with emotional control and manipulation. It’s complicated isn’t it?

Women as Friends
I cannot listen to anything without filtering it through my lens of how much I believe in the power of friendships, community and belonging. And in that vein it struck me what a powerful tool our friendships can be. Certainly, they are a support place for us as we process our own wounds and they are also a source of empowerment as they remind us of our value and worth.

But importantly, they also provide us a container with which we can practice encouraging women who make different decisions than we do. We can engage in cheering for people whose authentic voices sound different from ours. I can love my friend who is on strike against cosmetics because of what she thinks it represents and I can love my friend who spends her every paycheck on getting her nails manicured. I can love them both and in a small way I am helping two women become more of themselves. I don’t have to judge, devalue or in any way belittle them.

They may still face judgment, violence and discrimination in this world, but not from me. And that’s no small gift. As I practice empowering the people I love (which sounds easy but can be difficult) then I become more adept in the occasions of life where I am called upon to empower even those I don’t know, don’t agree with or don’t admire. My friendships are the places where I practice being the kind of person I want to offer to this world.

Indeed I agree with Ensler that the more we protect each other against violence, the more positive and vibrant energy we will have to participate in the creating of good. And the more we empower women, the more our world is capable of creating that good together. And that gives me hope.

* I attended this interview because I saw that one of our GirlFriendCircles.com members, France K., had posted it on the GirlFriendCircles calendar! Thank you for putting it out there!

Update 10/01/2012: This was my belief then… now you can see it on my homepage in my “I Have a Theory that Friendship Can Save The World” video.