friendship break-up

Surviving a Friendship Break-Up

It should come as no surprise to any of us that even "friendship experts" disappoint our friends, but perhaps sharing the pain of my own recent break-up will help remind you that sometimes we can't stop it from happening. I disappoint people. You disappoint people. And they disappoint us.

And sometimes that disappointment leads to one person deciding they are done.

Which is what happened in my case last Spring. A friend of mine basically wrote me a missile of an email telling me how hurt and angry she was by something I had done and informed me that we were over. To say I was devastated would be an understatement! My intentions had been so innocent (I had even meant to be affirming to her!) and yet that's not how it felt to her. And perhaps the worst of it was that she didn't give us a chance to work it out.

Six months later, I've grieved that relationship and processed it as best as I know how... so I thought I'd try to glean some of the wisdom from that pain in case any of you are in that place now.

I made three videos on this subject.

My 3 Truths After Getting Dumped by a Friend

Do you feel disillusioned about friendship? Have you been hurt before and aren’t sure you want to trust again? Are you tempted to think that people who leave you feeling disappointed or hurt are bad people? The truth is that relationships can be full of disappointments and pain… but they are still worth it. While I typically teach us how to make new friends or deepen existing friendships, in this video I share the 3 Truths that guided me as I went through a recent break-up with a friend. Our goal when we’re hurting is to find the beliefs that will help us not only heal and recover, but also come through these painful times with more hope, joy, and love. May this video offer you some wisdom if you’re in the midst of some friendships that hurt.

Repairing a Fractured Friendship

Did you disappoint a friend and you fear that she’s going to walk away from the friendship? Did you make a friend mad with your actions or hurt her feelings with your words, but now you aren’t sure how to make things right? Did a friendship end and you wish you could try to fix it? In this video I share with what I wish I could have done to try to repair a friendship that needed fixing. Here are the steps to try if you need to apologize and make things right.

How To Recover from Losing a Friend

Are you grieving the loss of a friendship? Did a friend end things with you and you’re having a hard time getting over it? Are you stuck in depression or anger and not sure how to move back to a place of peace after a friend hurt you? Here’s what I did to help bring personal healing after a friend ended our friendship. May these ideas help you grieve and heal from any friendships that are over.

Top 10 Most Popular Friendship Articles of 2013

For all of you who joined us half-way through the year, missed a post here-or-there, or just want to re-read some of the goodies to see if they speak to you where you are now,  here are the most read, popular blog posts from the last year: 1.   Is "Get Rid of Negative People in My Life" Good Advice?

This post beat out the second place by 3 times!  Fortunately, it seems we are feeling a little conflicted with how much we keep hearing that we need to surround ourselves only with positive people.

2. How To Respond to a Friend in Crisis

The diagram in this post has served me over the year as such an incredibly helpful visual-aid for understanding how to help those in crisis without putting them in the place of having to comfort us, even though they're pain undoubtedly impacts us.

3.  Five Questions to Ask Before Ending a Friendship

If we're starting to entertain the idea of our friend being toxic or our friendships with someone feeling unhealthy, it's often because we haven't yet articulated our expectations and needs.  This post provides a thoughtful approach for making sure we've done our part to contribute to the possibility of a healthy relationship before ending it.

4.  Making New Friends in a New City

Christy Mims wrote this guest post about moving to a new city and having to start all over as she made new friends.  Most of us know that experience!  She shares candidly her feelings and the actions she took to develop the friendships that matter to her.

5.  What Do I Do With My Toxic Friend?

The concept I share in this post could save many a friendship from ending!  It's super important to clarify the 3 different entities in every relationship: her, me, and us; and step back to see if we can shift the friendship by focusing on the 2 entities we actually have some control over.

6.  Friendship Break-Ups 4: Letting Go or Holding On

Most of our friendships will end with us "drifting" apart from each other as life circumstances change.  This post helps ensure that we're not a victim to that process, but rather being women who choose to courageously and intentionally make choices about which friendships to be at peace with letting go, and which ones to invest the energy needed to survive the transition.

7.  This Friendship Is Going Negative: What Do I Do?

In this post I offer up two different frameworks for helping assess our friendships:  the 5 Circles of Connectedness and the definition of friendship.  Both tools can help us articulate what is wrong in the friendship, and based on what type of friends she is, can help us decide what approach might best serve our friendship.

8.  Reflections on My Katie Couric Interview

A highlight in 2013 was definitely being invited to appear on Katie Couric's afternoon talk show.  While filming it, I just kept thinking about all these comments I wanted to make as I listened to Katie and the other guests talk about their friendships.  But since they didn't ask me to comment on everyone else... I share those thoughts on my blog instead.  :)

9. Christmas Card Conundrums: Send They? Why?  How Many? To Whom?

We're past the season now for sending out our annual holiday cards, but bookmark this one for next December!  We're all trying to find that sweet spot between letting friends know we're thinking of them while not adding to our own exhaustion, guilt, or stress.

10.  Many Introverts are "Coming Out"

Reflecting back over an interview I did with Sophia Dembling, author of "The Introvert's Way," I am encouraged with all the press, validation, and visibility that introverts are getting.  We must keep seeking to understand how we (and our friends) are wired energetically.

** And I always pick out a bonus post to add to the list-- a post that may not have made the top ten, but that I personally think is important.  This one actually may have been one of the most "liked" post on Facebook and I think contains helpful sample scripts for learning How to Ask for What You Need in Your Relationships.

 

Want more popular articles?

Top Ten Most Popular Friendship Articles of 2012

Top Ten Most Popular Friendship Articles of 2011