Tomorrow, June 8, is widely purported to be National BFF Day. It's a day where I want to invite those of you with meaningful friendships to celebrate them (call them! give them a shout out on Facebook! write a text expressing your love!), and also be thoughtful to the fact that the majority of you may be feeling like having a BFF is more like trying to find a unicorn.
You're not alone.
Most Women Don't Have a BFF
Friendship research is still a growing study of topic so we don't have a plethora of statistics (compared to the traditional familial and romantic studies), but taking into consideration all the studies I know of where they measure the degree of friendship-- I'd venture a guess that about only 1 in 4 of us have a best friend. Many more of us have close friends, but the vast majority of us are left feeling like we're missing "that one."
I'm of the opinion that far more important than putting the emphasis on finding the one person upon whom we can bestow the word "best" is teaching women how to foster their friendships to experience more of the qualities of excellence. In other words: let best refer to the quality of our relationships, not the quantity. Unfortunately even by this measurement, we're suffering too: In a survey of nearly 1200 women that I conducted last year for my book Frientimacy, when asked how satisfied they were on a scale of 1-10 with the depth of their friendships, (with 10 being the most meaningful), only 6% of respondents scored themselves a 10. The number goes up to about 34% of us if we include everyone who also score a 7, 8, or 9. But even that suggests that about two-thirds of women are feeling the gap between the frientimacy (friendship intimacy) they are experiencing versus what they wish they were.
If you are coming into this holiday feeling like you'd like to develop more closeness with one or two friends-- I'm teaching a class tomorrow for you:
More Friendship Please! What To Do If You Don't Have a Best Friend
Audio Class, taught by Shasta Nelson
What: Receive a 60 minute class, taught by Shasta Nelson, and a worksheet with reflection questions.
When: Listen to the recording at your convenience.
Where: Listen from your office after work, in your car on your commute home, from your living room couch with a glass of wine, or get in your pj's and listen from bed! We'll send you the mp3!
Who: For all women who want effective and inspiring strategies for developing "best" friendships.
What You'll Learn:
- What is the best definition for a best friend?
- The 5 Myths About Best Friends that Are Damaging Our Relationships
- Strategy #1: Where to Find for Your Best Friend(s)
- Strategy #2: The 1 Action You Have to Do To Create Deeper Friendship
- Strategy #3: Get Your Needs Met, No Matter What
We don't necessarily all need a BFF, but we do all need to feel like we have as much love in our lives as we can possibly hold. We all thrive-- both literally and figuratively--when we feel supported in life. Most of us have the capacity to give and receive more love than we're currently experiencing and it's our life invitation to keep leaning in and saying yes to more connection. We've long given romance such a huge place in our human quest and journey... but that's just one relationship and we have so much more love to experience. And so much more that we can. It's not impossible.
Hugs and love to all of you this National Best Friends Day. If you have one or two of those types of friendships: reach out and express that love! And if you're in a season where you feel like you don't have that depth with anyone: don't despair... love is always available and our willingness to open up to it will be honored.
May we all appreciate the love we do have in our lives and commit to fostering more if we feel that hunger.